dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
