shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
