I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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