How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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