plz talk dirty to me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
