we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
