Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
