If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
