she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Vodka?
Forever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
