don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize