Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Small penises have feelings too.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
