i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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