we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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