All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
