I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
