She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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