I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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