Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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