well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
