ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
