I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
