To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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