I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Farmville is her only friend.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
