dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
