i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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