yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
