even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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