Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
