The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
