So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
