Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
