okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
