who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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