bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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