yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
