Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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