how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
