end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
