i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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