Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i now understand why vodka
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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