My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
