not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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