ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
