i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
