I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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