WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
