by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
