70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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