I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
