i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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