Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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