I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
