he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
