tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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