my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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