Swine flu is the new snow day.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize