You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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