I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
