if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
